Lead A Group

Ways To Kill A Group

This is one of those discussions that we need to have with ourselves to critically evaluate how we are doing. It is not meant for condemnation but rather challenge. We all need to evaluate ourselves from time to time in all areas of our lives. So process this with a critical but not condemning agenda and process your group through the lense of growing into excellence while covered in grace. 

Poor leadership

    • Am I growing and developing, and am I demonstrating this to my Group members? No one wants to follow someone who isn’t going anywhere.
    • Am I investing in and spending time on my people? No one wants to follow someone who doesn’t seem to care about them and their success. 



    • What is the purpose of my group? Is that purpose communicated clearly and often?
    • What is the purpose of our specific discussion that week? Are we as leaders rambling or can our members follow where we are going?
    • People want to follow someone if they see the value in the direction they’re headed.  Is where we are going worthwhile, or just a waste of time?


Forced participation

    • If you lead an adult Group, most of your people are no longer in school. They don’t want to feel a fear of repercussions if they miss a week, or if they don’t talk in Group that night. Do I give this message to my members?
    • Let people know that it’s okay to talk when they are ready, but don’t be afraid to balance that with every now and then asking “Would you like to add something?”


Mandatory homework

    • Again, most of us are out of school and don’t want to think about homework ever again! Mandatory homework creates different responses in different people. Instead, we want to create a hunger in people to go deeper, to want more of Jesus and more of the Truth. Focus on developing and feeding that hunger rather than rules and expectations, and that will create a natural desire to study and do the work. 



    • We live in a world of airbrush and filters, one line tweets and perfect Facebook posts. We don’t need any more superficial, shallow encounters. We need real, raw, grace-covered interactions with real people striving for the same common goal. 



    • How did Jesus address the disciples who were more concerned about their status in the group than about the group as a whole? He shot that down quickly, didn’t He? If I am most concerned about myself and my name and reputation, I won’t be a good Group leader. 
    • Leading others is code for laying down your life for your friends…and laying it down for those not-so-much friends. Their success becomes your priority. There’s no individualism in that. 
    • This same attitude cannot be tolerated within the group, amongst your members. We want to grow together in community, following the example set before us in Acts 2, working together to grow and meet each other’s needs. We were made for each other, and we need to expect and model that in our groups.



    • Competition isn’t much different than individualism, but we see this even amongst leaders sometimes. Our focus should be on the success of God’s people. With that as our focus, we will strive to find the Group that best fits an individual, instead of trying to fill our Group. Just trying to fill our own group is simply comparing ourselves to other Groups to see “who is the greatest in the Kingdom.”
    • We can’t allow this attitude amongst our people, either. Don’t tolerate one-upping when it is time to share victories or needs. “My situation is so much worse than yours” type of competitions are not acceptable. Everyone needs to feel safe exactly where they are in their journey, and it is up to us as leaders to create that environment. 


Total spontaneity 

    • While spontaneity can be fun and definitely has its place, TOTAL spontaneity is simply another way to say “unprepared.” Winging it will only take you so far for so long. As leaders who love God’s people, our hearts need to be in prayer for our meetings. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to lead us exactly where He wants us to go for the sake of our Group. 
    • Being unprepared will kill a group because those who want to grow will see right through our attempts to hide it. They will search elsewhere for community that is actually worth their time, and seek out leaders who show them that THEY are worth the time, energy, and focus to be prepared.